"Endings are never easy.
I always build them up so much in my head, they can’t possibly live up to my expectations, and I just end up disappointed.
I am not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here.
I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important.
That people hang onto our every word.
That they care what we think.
The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if it even occasionally get to make someone, anyone feel a little better.
After that, it’s all about the people that you let into your life.
And as my mind drifted the faces I’ve seen here before, I was taking the memories of family, of lost loves,
even of those who’ve left us. They all came at me in a wave of shared experience.
Even though it felt warm and safe, I knew it had to end.
It’s never good to live in the past too long.
As for the future, it didn’t seem so scary anymore.
It could be whatever I want it to be.
And who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true? Just this once.”
Funny how no one shows any sign of regret or remorse. Kinda makes you think you were insane to begin with. Maybe that’s just how it should be. Be pretentious. Be someone who doesn’t care unless the moment is where it’s ‘cool’ to be caring and thoughtful.
Yeah, fuck that.
There are some songs that you love, then there are the ones that seem like it was written for you. This is mine.
"I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know we’ll be alright
Perhaps it’s just imagination
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It’s time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fades away
Come back another day”
Pain changes people.
Pain changes how you think. It changes how you see, how you hear.
Pain is a magnifying glass that enables you to see things closer.
Pain, changes the way you breathe, changes the way you speak and the way you are spoken to.
Pain changes your taste, the food you eat and the water you drink.
Pain is a magic trick. An illusion so strong, that is seems so real.
Pain won’t leave you alone, it will keep you awake when you are to sleep, and put you asleep when you are to be awake.
Pain, makes you question. Question everything.
Pain makes you honest, but it makes honesty that much more sharp.
Pain makes the loudest noises as silent as a feather floating mid air, and it makes empty silences sound like an active war zone.
Pain turns a cloudy sky grey, and a rainy storm an eternal slice of heaven.
Pain changes people. Either you ignore it as ignorance is bliss, or you let it take over you like a plague.
So much that, pain becomes reliable. It becomes a walk of life. It becomes everything you are, it does everything you do. Pain becomes your best friend.
Pain, is my best friend.
The rain, she speaks
an honest, hopeful
sort of sorrow.
She soaks pavements
and papers over riddles
asterisk-laden with proper
foot notes that echo
splashes into beams
raised high, and you,
my canopy — shield
passion’s scars from
Staccato on time’s
tin roof, she sings:
Hush now, sweet darling —
it doesn’t have to rhyme
to be remembered.
She does not speak
the language love makes —
And nor do I, my dear.
Nor do I.
© 2014 by Jennifer R.R. Mueller